Cita:- Is it true what they say about the witch?-
- Uhm?-
- I´ve heard she looks 12 years old.-
I left my chin and ponder for a moment.
- Hmmm...well she´s a tiny little person, but i wouldn´t say she looks 12. Maybe a midget 16 year old.
- Hell, really?-
- Yeah. But the truth is creepier than that. Stan emailed me their basic profiles, and apparently, she´s actually 78 years old. -
- So having sex with her will make you feel like a pedophile AND a gerontophile.-

Cita:“Well Carl, Derrick here tells me that in the last two shots, it was your script that led to some unfortunate incidents with our actors. As I understand it, Vanessa has quit her job, joined a convent, and has started contacting Pepper Spray manufacturers; and John, over the course of the shooting, has unwittingly become the world’s greatest Goatse impersonator.”

Cita:-... I’ve moved into the alleyway next to the building for the next few days.-
-¿What’s wrong? Did your neighbors complain about the air pollution, or did they confuse your room for the trash deposit and you were drowning in plastic bags?-
-That only happened ONCE.- I huffed, turning back to the laptop. -And for your information, trash bags make perfect condoms for me.-

Cita:-Wow... that was amazing... baby.- I coughed . -It was like getting an ice-cube shoved down my dick hole. -
-Cut!-
-It was drinking a gallon of honey and passing out next to an army ant farm.-
-CUT!-
-It was like having sex with a gasoline-laced condom next to a bonfire.-
- SAY YOUR DAMN LINE RIGHT!!!!-

Cita:I’m not sure why it was seven days--maybe that was how long it took ghosts to “charge” their teleportation. Maybe the stars weren’t aligned yet. Maybe the cost of plane tickets were predicted to be lower in seven days and she was being stingy, or maybe she just really hated numbers 1 through 6, but either way, she wasn’t making the trip back now, and I wouldn’t expect her to just sit on her ass and do nothing before she got back here.

Cita:I actually slept pretty okay last night. Living with Kim was sort of like watching the same horror movie four times in a row. All the shit that scared you the first time is still there-- it hadn’t changed, but you just sort of... got used to it. At least as far as scares go. She was still cold and moist and her breathing sounded like she was filtering everything through a Darth Vader mask covered in yogurt, but that was just like sleeping with a live salmon on your stomach , which is tolerable. I didn’t LIKE it, mind, but I wasn’t giving adult diaper manufacturers anything to get excited about anymore.

Cita:She nodded, latching onto my arm and smiling. It was a pretty genuine smile--if she wasn’t... well, Kim, I would have found it adorable. Unfortunately, for as authentic as the smile was, it was still plastered on a porcelain, uncomfortably stilled face, so I found it a little less cute and a little more “aw shit that’s just wrong”, like when you saw a human’s grin photoshopped onto a bear or something.

Cita:-Well, you can’t forget Billy the Kid. He was small and a quick shot, but at least he knew how to handle his pistol.
- Perhaps there’s some truth to that, but I’ll stick with Nikola Tesla. They say his balls were electrifying and magnetic.-